Why is change so hard?

Change is one of the only constants in the universe. But if that’s so, why does it seem to be so challenging when we desire it so much? Take your New Year’s Resolutions as a prime example. Maybe you set a goal to lose weight, or to meditate more, or to spend/save money. How long did that last? A few of us make a goal and stick to it when we set out to do the thing. But the majority of us? We are good for a bit and then we resort to old patterns and find ourselves in the same routines. This can be frustrating and downright defeating. Have you ever thought to ask “why” change is so hard?

The answer is actually way more complex than I have room for in this blog post including neurotransmitters, neural pathways, and behavioral reinforcements. But what I want to highlight for you is that whether or not you realize it, change – regardless of what it is – is a process. This process can be described in stages, though they very readily flow into one another. It’s also possible for you to move both forward and backward through the stages, just to make things more fun.

The Stages of Change Model in Psychology was founded in the late 1970s and early 1980s through research that was specifically trying to learn more about addictive behaviors. However, it became quickly apparent that these stages can be applied to any sort of life change, whether we consider that an “addictive” behavior or not.

The Stages:

·        Precontemplation – you are not thinking about changing. You could be unaware that a problem exists in the first place, or outright denying there is a problem

·        Contemplation – you are aware a problem exists, and you find yourself thinking about maybe doing something about it, weighing the pros and cons, but you have not made a commitment to change

·        Preparation – you have set an intention to make a change, so you are putting efforts and energy into getting organized in order to address the problem successfully

·        Action – with your preparation plans in place, you are now actively modifying the behavior. You are trying new things in the way you prepared for

·        Maintenance – this stage reflects the sustained behavioral change; the new behavior replaces the old behavior repeatedly

·        Relapse – unfortunately, because change is hard, you fall back into the same old patterns as before. This is especially easy to do when you are stressed or tired.

When thinking of these stages, think about them more as an upward spiral rather than spinning around and around in a 2-D circle. Though you will most likely move through these stages more than once for each change in your life, the path through the cycle each time gets quicker and easier because you continue to learn more about yourself and become more prepared as you progress through.

So, if you are working on a change in your life, but you find yourself repeatedly resorting to old patterns (relapse), try not to beat yourself up too bad. It’s literally part of the process. Even though you may feel like you are back at square one, I promise you that you are not.

Or if you are getting frustrated with yourself because you “can’t seem to make a decision”, try to be kind to yourself. This, too, is literally part of the process (contemplation).

Change may be hard, but it is not impossible. Keep doing your best to set goals and maintain them. You get a little closer to that dream life each time you go through the cycle. Still need help? Contact our Plymouth Psychologist.