Online & Virtual Therapy & Counseling Services for Perfectionism

Therapist for Perfectionism: Overcoming the Effects of High Expectations

Are Your Too-High Expectations Destroying Your Inner Peace?

You wish you could be ok with “good enough” but it just does not seem to be in your biology. You find yourself losing minutes and sometimes hours with checking and re-checking the spelling of an email, the placement of a picture, or researching just one more option before you make a decision. You get to a point where you are starting to feel frustrated with yourself yet paralyzed and cannot seem to move forward. How does everyone else seem to do this so easily?

What is perfectionism?

One definition of perfectionism includes a person’s concern for flawlessness and perfection, accompanied by critical thoughts toward self and others. Sometimes, people call this personality characteristic as having “high standards” and the thought of lowering these standards is outrageous. But the thing is there actually IS a difference between high standards and perfectionism. ‘Perfect’ does not exist. It never has and it never will. So, let’s work together to identify ways you can stop beating yourself and others up over never achieving it. Let’s take some of the pressure off.

Why you might struggle with perfectionism?

Though there are a handful of reasons why you might struggle with perfectionism or be overly critical of yourself and others, the most common reason is low self-worth or low self-esteem. The perfectionism then is a way to compensate for these low views of self, trying to PROVE your worth to yourself and/or to others. But you don’t need to prove yourself to ANYONE. You just need to be OK with you. We can work together to strengthen this skill.

What can perfectionism look like?

Because perfectionism can look like a lot of different things depending on why it is present, the following are only a sample of the most common ways perfectionism can show up in your life:

• Preoccupation with how others view you

• Checking and re-checking behaviors

• Frequent research and gathering opinions before making a big decision

• Needing reassurance from others

• Disappointment when something “goes wrong”

• Frustration when someone does something differently than you

• Extremely critical statements, either seriously or sarcastically, about yourself or others

• Feelings paralyzed and/or overwhelmed

• Fear of failure or regret

How a Therapist for Perfectionism in Minnesota Can Help

Perfectionism can be a lonely endeavor, especially if you are trying to combat it on your own. My approach to helping you overcome perfectionism is two-fold:

• First, I will work with you to develop some tools to begin to think differently about yourself, others, and situations. Our thoughts and emotions are more connected than not, so this ought to give you some relief.

• Second, since perfectionism is likely the result of something much deeper going on, I would love the opportunity to explore what that might be for you. Let’s target the real issue here, not just the symptoms. This exploration can feel scary and like some emotional heavy lifting, though, so we will go as slow or fast as you are comfortable with.

Together we will create goals tackling the rigid mental components of perfectionism as well as explore and process some of the emotional foundations. Collectively, this will increase self-esteem, confidence, and a sense of control, while simultaneously decreasing fear, frustration, and criticism.

If you are sick of feeling controlled by your thoughts and emotions instead of being IN control of them, contact me today. Perfectionism can be stressful and tends to violate a lot of boundaries. If you are experiencing this, I also offer stress management and healthy boundaries counseling, all through my online counseling business.