How to Please Yourself and Not Just Others

It feels as if we've been handed one of life's biggest conundrums – a rubik's cube of social interaction – with a color that always needs aligning with someone else's. For those of us who are avid people-pleasers, it often seems our natural instinct is to tweak and adjust, to ensure that the hues we present are those the other party loves. But what about the colors we enjoy, the combinations that set our hearts aflutter? How can we swap out the kaleidoscope at all angles but the one facing us? Let’s look at how to please yourself and not others alone. 

Understanding People Pleasing - You Can’t Please Everyone

To unravel the shimmering fabric of people-pleasing, first, we must define it not just as a penchant for agreement, but as a dance where we lead with our partner's step. It's about living in service to others' expectations, as if their path is made of freshly-fallen snow, and a single set of footprints might ruin the untouched trail. The patterns involve silent suffering, whispered 'yeses' when every bone in your body screams 'no,' and a wardrobe tainted by the attire that earns nods, while neglecting the fabric that feels like a second skin.

The Impact on Mental Health

Like an invisible force field, people-pleasing can wrap around us, squeezing until the colors of our identity become dull and suffocated. The toll on mental health is a silent but relentless drip. Anxiety and depression are frequent accompaniments, tapping at your edges like an overplayed song that echoes through your days. The most disturbing? When your reflection asks 'who am I doing this for?' and the answer sails from a tongue knotted in strings to other puppets' hands.

Ask yourself ‘am I good at pleasing myself?’ and it may be hard to find examples. What does pleasing yourself mean anymore?

Practicing Self-Care

Self-care is your life jacket, a splash of fluorescent paint in the darkest waters. It's about carving out time for activities that don't merely fill your hours but fill your well. The phrase has broadened, and rightfully so. It's not just about baths and candles, but about facing the mirror and seeing something that deserves care too.

Setting Boundaries

Think of boundaries like the white margins in a coloring book. They offer structure and guidance on where to blend, but they're equally important where to stop before a masterpiece becomes a mess. If someone moisture-wrinkles those pages, the lines blur, and so does your mental space. Setting boundaries is an act of unfurling your own space, your canvas – telling the world, 'this, this is my area to color, to breathe, to be.' Therapy for people-pleasing can be a great way to get the ball rolling. 

Self-Reflection and Personal Growth

Lastly, take time for introspection. What is it that truly ignites your spirit? What hues bring you peace? Shine a light on your own path, and walk it, if only for a moment. The reward is a canvas reflective of your own choosing, a masterpiece designed not for likes, but for life.

Life is a canvas of delicate balance, where not all brushstrokes need an audience. It's imperative we learn to craft our own palette, both vibrant and subdued, with the colors that make us feel most alive. Engaging in the art of pleasing oneself should not be seen as selfish, but as self-fulfilling. After all, when we take care of our own tapestry, the threads we offer the world are not born out of obligation, but out of genuine strength and love.